Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
