HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
