he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
