You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
