Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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