she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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