Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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