Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
