Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
