Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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