YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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