Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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