I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Michael Bay diarrhea
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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