normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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