So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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