At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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