nut hugger
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
