This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
