Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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