this beer tastes like vomit already
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
