With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
