i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
