her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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