i just sent this text using only my big toe
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
