Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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