Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
