just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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