its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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