Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
