Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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