My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
