Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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