so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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