He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
