That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
