No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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