dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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