Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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