Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
