i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
