he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
