Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
