Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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