People in love make me want to vomit
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
