I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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