Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize