I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
