when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
