Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
