Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
