once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
