the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
