My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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