Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
