Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
