I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
