have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
