Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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