9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
