i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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