I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
