I met the friendliest cop last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
