Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
