ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
