Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
