what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Text me some of your sweat
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
