If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
