Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
