my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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