Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
