Small penises have feelings too.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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