doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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