Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
