mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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