I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
