Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
